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Here is another throwback. Jagged Edge with Rev Run, Let’s Get Married. If you had a system in your car back in the day, you were banging this.
Every guy has had a few of these. One of my biggest epic fails, one that actually makes me laugh a lot now, was when I was 18 and my friends and i went to this club where almost all of the women were over 25. I approached this one woman, I thought she was pretty hot and as soon as I was about to speak, she turned to me and said, “No, you are way too young.”
Haha. I didn’t even have the chance to utter a single word. She turned her back to me and I walked back to my friends, red faced. Looking back on it now, I can laugh. But then, I felt like shit the rest of the night.
We all have those, don’t beat yourself up for it. Look back and laugh. It’s funny.
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Jennifer Lawrence behind the scenes of her Vogue covershoot. The starlet strikes a pose for the cameras and looks beautiful.
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It might sound weird at first to equate the words comfort and misery together. They are polar opposites, right?
Well, not always.
You see there are situations where comfort in one area of your life can create misery in another.
Let’s talk about it in context to make it crystal clear what I mean:
For a guy dealing with approach anxiety, it is comfortable to avoid approaching women.
However, the price he has to pay for that comfort causes misery.
His failure to approach women means that he won’t get any dates. Which means he won’t get any affection and feel any romantic love, which is something that we all need to feel in order to really be comfortable.
See how that works?
How does a guy go from being anxious about approaching a woman and creating a situation where he is comfortable by not making any approaches but miserable by being alone?
There really is only one answer.
That is to learn how to handle approach anxiety.
I don’t want to say beat it or defeat it, because guess what?
On some level, it is always going to be there.
I betcha even Brad Pitt felt a slight twinge of anxiety the first time he approached Angelina Jolie on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Sure, it probably wasn’t that big of a deal to him, he could handle it.
And that is the key. To be able to feel it when it is there and to be able to get past it, so that you still follow through and approach the woman you want to approach.
There are some things that you can do to handle approach anxiety:
1) Get to the root cause of why you feel it. Really, the anxiety is a SYMPTOM. You have to find the CAUSE of the symptom. Most guys want to get rid of the symptom (approach anxiety) without dealing with the cause, which is kind of a fruitless thing to do. You have to know why it is that you feel it. Because then you can change the WHY so that it no longer is useful to feel and it will lessen.
2) Give yourself a dose of your own cognitive behavioral therapy. Feel the anxiety and do it anyway. Make approaches, lots of them. In time, the sheer exposure should change the way that you feel when you are about to approach a woman. This is especially true for guys who feel approach anxiety simply because they are inexperienced around women.
Whatever you do, don’t allow a little bit of comfort to cause a lot of misery. Think about this: It takes only seconds to approach a woman. However, being alone for a long time because you don’t approach women? That is a far greater price to have to pay.
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Peaches N Cream by 112. Back in the day, this was THE song to hook up with. Throwback.
Smooth with Rob Thomas and Carlos Santana. This was a good one back in the day.
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Haha. I have my own theories on this one. And in my experience, dancing well will get you laid, dancing badly … not so much.
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